Little Black Jezebel

I remember the first time my innocence was stolen from me.

I felt his wandering eyes and

Soaked up the chastisement that followed.


They told me to watch how I dressed with

Him.

The sustenance I needed was missing that day,

So I drooped and burned my favorite

Dress.


I blossomed into puberty;

I remember being a spindly

Bald dandelion, cursed with

Acne for days and perpetually

Sweaty pits.

Yet that image is uncertain,

Because I had their attention even then.


I still feel the

Lascivious looks of blurry figures

And the

Drunken barks of hungry dogs

Begging me nearer.


Home was the only place I felt safe.

My house, my family, my bed,

My own company.

No caresses, no whispers, no gazes—

Just obscurity and security.


I remember searching for solace within my skin—

But I couldn’t stomach how she’d done this to me.

I stopped.


I became tiny.

Black protected me.

Bags swaddled me.

Detachment comforted me.


I forgot it was a disguise.



I took back my footing come

Junior year of high-school.


I wore color.

I wore makeup.

I wore shorts.

I wore tank tops.


But I grew too big—

Snuck into the world


And was jerked to and fro,

Feasted upon by souls that told me they

Loved me.


My words didn’t matter,

My anguish was shushed.

My mind lost control.


Nights plodded by,

Days skipped past.

Reality was a loop.


I remember the exact moment when I

Finally shriveled up and

Fell limp against the dirt

Beneath me.

Stuck in shock.

No feelings, no life.

Brittle, bitter.


I think I will remain here forever.


Is this what love is?

Is this what love will forever be?

Will this be the only love I ever deserve?


I am unsure.


Anyways,

I’m sorry—

There are details missing from my story,

No physical trauma to defend my

Pain.


I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life.

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