I remember the first time my innocence was stolen from me.
I felt his wandering eyes and
Soaked up the chastisement that followed.
They told me to watch how I dressed with
The sustenance I needed was missing that day,
So I drooped and burned my favorite
I blossomed into puberty;
I remember being a spindly
Bald dandelion, cursed with
Acne for days and perpetually
Yet that image is uncertain,
Because I had their attention even then.
I still feel the
Lascivious looks of blurry figures
Drunken barks of hungry dogs
Begging me nearer.
Home was the only place I felt safe.
My house, my family, my bed,
My own company.
No caresses, no whispers, no gazes—
Just obscurity and security.
I remember searching for solace within my skin—
But I couldn’t stomach how she’d done this to me.
I became tiny.
Black protected me.
Bags swaddled me.
Detachment comforted me.
I forgot it was a disguise.
I took back my footing come
Junior year of high-school.
I wore color.
I wore makeup.
I wore shorts.
I wore tank tops.
But I grew too big—
Snuck into the world
And was jerked to and fro,
Feasted upon by souls that told me they
My words didn’t matter,
My anguish was shushed.
My mind lost control.
Nights plodded by,
Days skipped past.
Reality was a loop.
I remember the exact moment when I
Finally shriveled up and
Fell limp against the dirt
Stuck in shock.
No feelings, no life.
I think I will remain here forever.
Is this what love is?
Is this what love will forever be?
Will this be the only love I ever deserve?
I am unsure.
There are details missing from my story,
No physical trauma to defend my
I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life.